


My Fair Wedding

by Ahmose_Inarus



Series: Let Me In [28]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Comedy, M/M, My Fair Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 13:50:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17427098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahmose_Inarus/pseuds/Ahmose_Inarus
Summary: The girls get it into their heads that Reid needs help planning his and Hotch's wedding, and they decide to give their help, whether Reid wants it or not. Just a silly little one shot.





	My Fair Wedding

Quantico, Virginia

2:42 pm

 

Reid tried to figure out how he ended up a captive in his own new home.

He failed.

Reid sat on the sofa tense and nervous, silently watching his captors… He didn’t now what they had up their sleeves, but a feeling of dread had overcome him. One turned on the television, and the other two sat down on either side of him.

“What are we doing?” He asked, nervously.

“We’re having Girl Time!”

“I am NOT one of the GIRLS!!!” Reid howled and moved to get up, but JJ and Emily caught his elbows and jerked him down again. Garcia grinned and selected a show on the DVR.

“Just because you have a penis, it doesn’t mean you’re not one of the girls.” Reid shut up and turned red. “We’re helping you come up with ideas!” Garcia announced, cheerfully.

“Ideas for what?” Reid asked warily, and stopped struggling when Emily threatened to break out the handcuffs.

“For your Wedding!” Garcia cheered, and turned on My Fair Wedding With David Tutera.

“… WHAT?!” Reid whined. “I do NOT need ideas!”

“So what kind of wedding are you having?” JJ asked.

“… A small one?” Reid offered.

“What’s the theme?”

“… Weddings have themes?” Reid asked, blinking in confusion.

“Indoor or Outdoor?” Emily asked.

“What kind of flowers?” Asked JJ.

“What kind of cake?” Garcia added.

“Will there be a Wedding Party?” JJ asked.

“What kind of food?” Emily queried.

“What are you wearing?” Garcia demanded to know.

“Indoor, simple ones, I’ll let Aaron pick, they’re called RECEPTIONS, something without spinach and not a dress, that’s for sure!” Reid blurted, eyes wide. 

The girls burst out laughing.

“A Wedding Party isn’t the reception, Spence.” JJ laughed. “It’s the Bride, Groom, Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, the people who take part in the wedding.”

“… Oh.” Reid mumbled, turning red.

“See? You DO need ideas. Just see what the Master does, and consider it.”

“Uhhg…”

“Oh, stop pouting.” Emily snorted.

“But this is so… so..”

“Awesome?” Garcia offered. “Come on… David Tutera is a Wedding GENIUS!”

“And he’s cute.” Emily admitted.

“He’s gay.” JJ told her.

“He’s still cute!” Emily announced with a grin.

Reid groaned and sunk back into the sofa, watching the show with the girls.

“… Okay… they’re talking about fashion and dresses.” Reid complained halfway through the first episode. “HOW does this apply to me?”

“Will there be bridesmaids?” JJ asked.

“… There’s no BRIDE!!!” Reid howled, throwing his hands into the air. “In case you’ve forgotten, WE’RE BOTH MEN!!!”

“SHHHH!!!” The three girls all hissed, and Reid muttered under his breath, slumping down again. 

He watched as Artemis chased Apollo across the room, and smiled. Garcia had brought them over this morning, insisting that Reid take them back. And while excited to have them back, Reid had been hesitant… he didn’t feel it was fair to keep up-rooting them. This would be the third big change for them and they were only eight months old. But the pair seemed to remember Reid and seemed happy to see him, and with him and Garcia both present, they were happy to explore the new house… neither cat had ever really been shy.

“Stop watching the cats!” Emily scolded, thumping him on the head with a knuckle. “Watch the show! Get ideas!”

“I don’t NEED ideas!!!” Reid whined loudly, trying to stand. But once again, JJ and Emily seized his arms and jerked him back down on the sofa again. Reid whined again and focused on the show once more.

“… I don’t CARE about the TABLECLOTHS!!!” 

“SHHHH!!!” the girls hissed. Reid sat sulking. The episode ended, and they started another one. 

“GARCIAAAAA!!!!” Reid whined, loudly. “Seriously! Half of these are about DRESSES!!! I am NOT wearing a DRESS!!! This is POINTLESS!!!”

“Keep complaining and we will MAKE you try on a few dresses.” Garcia threatened. Reid stared at her in horror, then quieted down… he knew perfectly well that Garcia would make good on her threat.

“I’d kind of like to see that.” 

Reid jumped and turned, seeing Morgan, Rossi and Hotch in the doorway, all grinning in amusement.

“Dave, please…” Hotch chuckled, shaking his head. “We are NOT putting Spencer in a dress.”

“Pleeeeeease?” Garcia whined.

“No!” Reid howled, leaping to his feet. “OOF!” He was jerked back down again.

“What are we doing in here, ladies?” Morgan asked.

“Did you just refer to me as a lady?!” Reid snapped, angrily.

“We have already pointed out the fact that just because you have a penis, it doesn’t mean you’re not one of the girls.” Emily said, patting Reid’s arm.

“Face it kid…” Rossi said, sitting down in an arm chair. “You are one of the lucky ones who can pass as one of the boys, AND one of the girls.”

“… This is something to be proud of?!” Reid sputtered, turning red.

“… this guy is pretty pretentious, isn’t he?” Rossi commented, watching the show. Then he winced when the girls howled their disapproval of his statement. Morgan moved to sit with Garcia, and Hotch smiled at Reid. Reid gave him a pleading look.

“Oh… how awesome would THAT be?!” Garcia breathed, and Reid looked at the scene.

“… We are NOT getting married at DISNEY WORLD!!!” He howled. Hotch, Morgan and Rossi all chuckled.

“What about a wedding on a cruise?” JJ mused.

“Yeah right.” Hotch snorted. “Like Strauss would ever let any of us have off enough time to do a cruise.”

“Oh, I think I could persuade her.” Rossi said, slowly.

“… Do we WANT to know how?” Morgan asked, quirking a suspicious eyebrow. Hotch chuckled again, going over to the mini bar in the corner.

“Dave?”

“Please.” Rossi nodded, and Hotch poured the man a whiskey.

“Morgan?”

“Uh… if you have a cold beer, I could go for that.”

“In the fridge in the garage.” Hotch nodded (he didn’t keep beer in the main fridge since he was hoping Jack would be spending a lot of time at the house).

“I’ll get it!” Reid announced, standing. “OOF!!!”

“He can get it himself.” JJ said, firmly. Morgan got up, laughing.

“I think they have you dead to rights, Pretty Boy.” The man announced, and Reid slumped down in the sofa, pouting.

“Don’t!” Emily moaned, petting Reid’s face. “You’ll give yourself wrinkles!!!”

Rossi choked on his whiskey and almost spewed it across the room, and Hotch just grinned and shook his head, perching on the arm of the sofa by JJ.

“Aaronnnn!” Reid whined.

“What do you want ME to do? I’m not their boss, here.” Hotch said with a smile, and Reid gave him a dirty look.

The NEXT episode made Reid groan aloud, but the girls shushed him every time. They watched five episodes in all… 

At the end, the men were looking bored, the girls looking happy, and Reid looking ready to eat his gun.

“I’m going to order some pizzas.” Hotch muttered, and Rossi and Morgan followed him out of the room. The girls all turned on Reid.

“Well?” Garcia asked.

“… Well what?”

“Getting ideas?”

“I will NEVER!” He announced. “Have butterflies and rainbows as my wedding theme!” He shook his head. “There is not a bride so there are no bridesmaids and I am NOT wearing a dress, so half of this show was a waste of time anyway. I fail to see how the tablecloths matter THAT much, I don’t think I want flowers everywhere… I’m NOT a girl, I am NOT looking for what you would call a traditional wedding… And what the hell is ‘bling’?!”

This time, it was Morgan who choked and nearly spewed as he walked into the room.

He and the girls all burst out laughing.

“Look…” Reid sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do here… But I am NOT a girl, and I am NOT a bride. I am NOT arranging a wedding. As much as I would like to, Hotch and I can’t legally marry without either splitting up the team or ruining someone’s career. We are having a… a…”

“Commitment Ceremony.” Emily finished for him.

“Yes.” Reid said with a nod. “Something small and casual. So while I appreciate your enthusiasm in wanting to help me, even if I abhorred your method…” Morgan snorted back a laugh, “You really just showed me what I do NOT want this to be.”

Garcia drooped. “… Can’t we do the cruise?”

“Garcia…” Reid sighed. “You and Kevin can have your… Super Special Awesome Blinged Out Disney Wedding, but…”

“I know EXACTLY what you want now, Buttercream.” Garcia said with a smile. “You leave it to me, and I’ll take care of it.”

“Wait, what?!” Reid blurted, looking alarmed.

“It’s okay.” Garcia told him, walking over and kissing his forehead. “Do you trust me?” Reid eyed her, then sighed.

“I dunno... You’re not exactly… well…” 

Garcia smiled and gave him a tight hug.

“You’ll love it.” She assured him. He just sighed, then blushed when Emily and JJ leaned in and kissed his cheeks.

“We’ll make sure she keeps it properly… simple, quiet and sophisticated, while being… properly masculine.” JJ promised Reid. Reid blinked at her, and looked at Emily.

Emily grinned and captured Reid’s pinky finger with her own. “Promise.” She told him. Reid blinked, looked back and forth between the women, then smiled and nodded.

“Alright.” He said. “I trust you.”

And the girls squealed and dog piled on the young genius. The men just chuckled from the doorway…

 

End! ^.^


End file.
